Normally elections bore me to death. Noisy advertising and lots of emotive promises devoid of any rational thinking behind them.
But this year it’s different in the Shire. No more Danna “John-Howard-is-like-a-father-to-me-we-will-be-out-bred-by-the-Muslims” Vale. And our electoral boundaries have been extended outside of the mostly racially pure Sutherland Shire to include chunks of, wait for it, Sydney’s lawless South West. You always know that if a news report begins with “gunshots were fired” it will end with “in Sydney’s South West”.
I should know. We’ve been living on the border between The Shire and The South West for years now. That’s why I am able to live in a partly Asian household as the borders are somewhat porous.
Unfortunately, the effects of extending the electoral boundaries are now apparent. The Labor candidate Brent Thomas’ home in Engadine and electoral office at Moorebank were both shot at. As we all know, the Hobbits of the Shire only have access to Aussie flags, utes, and broken bottles of VB when it comes to weapons, so it is obvious that the deed must have been done by out of towners. Not fellow members of the Labor party as Mr Thomas would otherwise have been a victim of a midnight knife to the back.
Anyway, now that it’s vale for Vale, the Liberal candidate is a Mr Craig Kelly, whose ugly mug has been appearing on street sides all around our area, looking like a typically trustworthy real estate agent or used car salesman. But thankfully for Mr Kelly he’s got some great admirers/supporters, including a Malcom KY who refers to him as a his goddess (see the comments at the end of the article).
I can’t wait to see who will make up the rest of the ballot paper for Hughes!